so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
