Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
