What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
