i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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