your parents love me but you hate me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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