dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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