May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
