so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
