I accidentally had phone sex last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
