Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
