I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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