Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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