we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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