Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
