It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
