Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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