I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't think brook has ever known best
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
