So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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