i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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