Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
