Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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