a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
