Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
