whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
