I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
smell my finger.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
