Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
