do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
