I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
