well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
