the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
