Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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