You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
