So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
That's when you crack a 10am beer
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to calm my uterus...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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