he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
