ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
