What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
