I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
