I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.