i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
