Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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