No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
