So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
