This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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