Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
