bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
