Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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