Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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