If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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