I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
