This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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