bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
