are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
