This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
