You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A bitchslap is in order.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
