theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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