I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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