Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
high people should be assigned attendants
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
