I just pynch a tree in the face
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
